Anxiety

So next week we will officially no longer be in training. Today though the person I was shadowing was making me take live calls! I can’t begin to tell you how nervous I was, but she said I did really well.

I don’t know why I make everything seem so difficult, the day before I was making myself sick with anxiety and worry about taking phone calls again. Maybe it is a sign from Allah that it is not something I should be doing…I do not know.

Right now though, I must continue to do it because its getting harder to find a job in the area (atleast ones that don’t require a degree or training). We really, really cannot afford for me to stay home, although I would love to just be in charge of the house again. Still need to come up with those home-business ideas I guess! Haha, insha’allah, right?

Sometimes I wonder though if I should see if I need actual anxiety/depression medication. Apart of me knows that I need it, another part of me doesn’t want it for several reasons. I am starting to really like who I am, what if the medication changes that? What if my husband liked me better before the medication? What if it only makes it worse?

Just a lot goin’ on. Insha’allah it will get easier as spring comes.